I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
