i need an iv and a liver transplant
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
