he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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