We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
