Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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