My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
