The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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