THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
