I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
