Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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