I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
