His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
