I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
