it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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