Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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