Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Damn victory sex feels great
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
