ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize