Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
