If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
