She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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