You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
