I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
