last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
