Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
