my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
