if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
