dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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