Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
