if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
