I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
