Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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