I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
