i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
