I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
