he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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