before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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