I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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