Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize