Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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