yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
