So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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