My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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