dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize