i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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