if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
