And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
