New invention idea: vibrating tampons
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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