I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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