His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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