the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
