Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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