Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come on in and take your pants off
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