my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
