woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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