It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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