I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
