If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
