Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
