My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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