It was confusing and full of hummus
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize