she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
