I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
