so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
