She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
zippers are such a cool invention
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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