We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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