she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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