i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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