ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
